What to do if you have a Stalker
Debbie is getting ready for bed when she notices a car parked across the street. A shadowy face in the driver’s side stares back at her. She shudders and closes the curtains. This is the third time she has seen this car, and she’s starting to worry. Is she being stalked? Maybe.
What Is Stalking?
Stalking is a persistent pattern of unwanted behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, threatened and afraid for your safety. Certain stalking behaviors can seem like nothing when considered individually, but when the behaviors are done collectively with the intent to instill fear or even cause harm, they add up to stalking.
Every year, 7.5 million Americans are stalked by family members, acquaintances, strangers and former partners. Most stalkers are men and most victims are women — and most victims know the stalker.
Stalking Behaviors
- Sending unwanted gifts, letters, texts, emails
- Damaging your personal property
- Driving by your home or work, or spying on you while you go about your day
- Gathering information about you
- Confronting you or even harming you
Types of Stalkers
People become stalkers for a variety of reasons and motivations. Almost all have underlying psychological disorders and lack interpersonal and social skills. Researchers have identified five basic types of stalkers:
- Rejected Stalker: These stalkers often had a romantic or other close relationship with the victim. They attempt to rekindle the relationship and when they can’t, sometimes they want revenge.
- Intimacy Seeker: These stalkers often don’t know their victims personally, but admire them and have delusions that their victims feel the same about them. Celebrities are often the victims of this type of stalker.
- Incompetent Stalker: These stalkers want a relationship with their victim, but usually understand that their victim does not feel the same way, unlike the intimacy seeker.
- Resentful Stalker: These individuals usually want revenge against their victim, not a relationship as in the rejected stalker. They often feel they have been humiliated and treated unfairly.
- Predator Stalker: These stalkers want to intimidate and control their victims. They often fantasize about sexually assaulting their victims, but do not want a relationship with them.
What to Do If You’re Being Stalked
Stalking can be difficult to stop. You might be able to get a restraining order against your stalker, but it does not guarantee the stalker will obey it. That means you must take measures to keep yourself safe. If you ever feel in immediate danger, call 911 right away. Even if you’re not in immediate danger, you should contact the police as soon as you have some evidence you can present.
Document Everything
Keep all emails, texts or voicemails from a stalker. Take pictures of your stalker and jot down notes about your encounters, including the dates, locations and witness names if applicable. If the stalker damages your property or injures you, take photographs. All of this can be used later as evidence.
Do Not Engage Them
Stalkers want to make contact with you and will try various tactics to get your attention. If they try to talk to you, firmly state that you want nothing to with them. If they contact you via phone or email, block their number and do not respond to their messages. Don’t try to spare their feelings or use words or a tone of voice that can be misinterpreted to mean you are still willing to engage with them.
Change Your Routine
Stalkers track your movements and take note of the places you go. Try to throw a wrench in their plan by doing something different such as taking new routes to work or shopping in different stores. Try to stick near public, populated areas and avoid walking alone.
Keep Your Family Safe
If you have children, alert their school and caregivers to the situation. Provide them with a list of who is allowed to contact your children. Teach your children when and how to dial 911. Tell them not to collect mail or answer the phone.
Let Your Colleagues and Friends Know
Alert your manager and coworkers to the situation, so they can ensure the stalker cannot reach you at work. Have someone walk you to and from your car.
Let your social circle, including neighbors, know what’s going on and ask them to keep an eye out for suspicious behavior. Show them photographs or give them descriptions of your stalker, including his vehicle if you know it. Let them know when you expect to arrive places and how long you’ll be there.
Be Careful What You Post Online
Stalkers use the Internet to glean information about their victims, and social media sites are their hunting grounds. Make your profile private and limit what you post, especially about events you plan to attend or places you plan to go.
More Safety Tips
- Always carry a mobile phone with 911 on speed dial.
- Take a self-defense course.
- Get an unlisted number and a mailbox that locks.
- Always keep your car locked and check it before you get into it.
- Carry a personal duress alarm.
- Create a secret phrase and share it with trusted friends so you can say it if you’re under duress and they will know to call the police.
Install a Security System
Having a security system installed in your home will reduce the chance that a stalker can gain access to your home. An alarm system is not only a deterrent, but it will let you know immediately if someone is trying to get into your home.
Make sure your alarm system has a panic button so you can notify the police right away.
Also consider a video surveillance system, so you can see who may be nearing your home, even from a remote location such as from work. Footage can also be shared with police or used in court as evidence.
Cultris Security Systems has been protecting homes and businesses in the greater Houston area for more than 13 years. Contact us today and we can help you determine your security needs.
Call us at 281-506-8466 or learn more by visiting us online.
